i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
