walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
