Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
