When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
