Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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