Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
