I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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