someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
