she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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