Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
