He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
