she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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