i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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