I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
