There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
