I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
