That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
