And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
