How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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