There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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