I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
