they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
