Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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