So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
