You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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