It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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