I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
