I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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