3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
