i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
