Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
