hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
