i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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