Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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