Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize