Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize