I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
