Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
