Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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