Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
