woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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