you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize