I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
