Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
