She's like a pop up book from hell.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
