Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
