i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
