I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
