My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it fun? or sober?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
