I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
