Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
