He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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