turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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