You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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