You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
