Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
