I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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