if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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