So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
