Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
