You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
