Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize