Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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